Bill Leisner

I've got a pretty cool boss.

How cool?

Cool enough to decide that the place to hold a Friday afternoon departmental meeting is at the local Dairy Queen.

And to spring for the Blizzards.

Another meme snurched from kradical, among others.

1. Name something a claustrophobic person should not get into:
An argument with Sean Hannity

2. What one thing does a woman spend the most time on when getting ready to go on a date?
Consulting the Magic 8 Ball

3. What is a Spanish word that everyone knows the meaning of?
Esperanto

4. Name something in your bathroom that you leave plugged in all the time?
The toilet.... Oh, plugged in? Then nothing.

5. Besides golfers, what is something you see on a golf course?
Golfer groupies.

6. Name a household chore you actually enjoy:
Masturbating

7. Name something you walk out on:
The sidewalk

8. Name a place where you see nervous people:
The Nervous People Channel

9. Name something that can be cherry flavored.
Cherries

10. Complete this phrase: "I’ll never forget my first _____":
fill-in-the-blank question

11. Name another word for "Dad":
Guy-mom

12. Name another word for "Mom":
Lady-dad

13. Name something a married couple might want to have 2 of:
Orgasms

14. What is the first part of a person’s body to lose the war with gravity?
Whichever part fails to properly arm itself

15. Name something that is sold by the bunch:
The Brady house

16. What age would you retire if you had enough money?
If I had enough money, no one would ever be age 12, and skip right from 11 to 13

17. Name something you find on a kitchen table:
Stains

18. Name something that rhymes with “dizzy”:
Undizzy

19. Tell me how many people you kissed last New Year’s Eve:
12,983. Tell me if you believe me

20. Name something you see in a jail cell:
A poster of Rita Hayworth, but not a hole

21. Name a month with 31 days:
Most months seem much, much longer than that

22. Name an occupation where you might work all night:
Dream inspector

Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

The lovely and talented Deanna Hoak posted the latest story from the Florida educational system:

A substitute teacher performed magic trick for his class, then was fired for practicing "wizardry."

No word yet whether he was a Hufflepuff or a Slytherin, or if he weighs as much as a duck.

I got nothin'...

The following message was left in reply to my previous post about Monday's new episode of House:

eats disaster spreads across the globe.

Hello!
I yearning that chose the faultless segment of it for asking your assuredly , if not, sorry.
I do not uncertainlyably ordinarily go to the forums. And my, my assuredly is what is:
How do you notion of how moment the question of toll increases, and whether it is plausible far-reaching shock,
the reality that already incident, namely: Rising stuffs charges has transformed subsistence into an global gremainingnmental issue.
Riots make erupted in Egypt, Haiti and Bangladesh in excess of soaring stuffs tolls.
People fought one another remaining bags of rice in West Africa.
The causes and the solutions to the stuffs calamity are complex.
Iif not finical and you pull someone's leg your theory on this, cheer response, I am awfully interested to pick up your notion.
Tthank you
P.S. Sorry for my english.

Thought provoking, assuredly. Any other gremainingnmental notions out there to pick up?

New House tonight!

New House tonight!

Hooray, there's finally a new House tonight!

It seems to me that I had snurched this meme from kradical previously, but I don't find any direct evidence of that in a quick archive search. So, for the apparent first time, an explanation of the titles of my published works ( behind the cut... )

Having secrets sucks...

As you know, Bob, Wednesday, April 23 is International Pixel-Stained Technopeasant Day, a day when writers everywhere remember that Andrew Burt was not the first numbskull to serve as VP of the SFWA, and when writers are encouraged to present some piece of work for free on the internet.

To this end, I have dug into the archives and pulled out a classic: "Remembrance of Things Future", an X-Files/Star Trek fanfic I wrote ten-plus years ago, which famous Trek author Dayton Ward, of all people, credits in Voyages of Imagination with helping to inspire his own work. Once only available in overpriced Xeroxed form, I now share this little piece of copyright infringement fair-use not-for-profit transformative work with you all. Enjoy!

Found at Atrios:



You know... in a sane world, we would now have pundits going apeshit over these three people who want to run the entire effing country for pretending to be so sadly lowbrow. The cameos on SNL and Colbert, I understand. But why are these people doing intros for a goddamned wrestling show?!? What the hell is next? "As I've travelled across this country over the last several months getting to know the American people, there's one thing I've come to appreciate: the free continental breakfast at Holiday Inn Express!"

- Friday evening was a "going away" happy hour for one of my colleagues at work. Said colleague is "going away" to another department, three floors down from where she is now. But, what the fuck, happy hour, right?

- Saturday, had coffee with fellow Twin Cities writer scottpearson. Scott, despite being the only pro-published Trek writer within an hour of me, is someone I usually only see once a year at Shore Leave in Baltimore. Though in my defense, he is a Saint Paul person. We decided to meet at the B&N Cafe at the Mall of America, which turned out to be a horrible, horrible idea, as the Mall was also hosting a big-ass Elvis impersonator contest in the rotunda just outside the bookstore. But, once we got past the Elvii, we had a good time talking writing, our personal neuroses about same, and mocking half the people now reading this journal entry.

- Returning home from the Mall, I spotted what I believe was a wild turkey walking across my apartment complex grounds. Or, I assume it was wild, since I'm unaware of any domesticated turkey farms nearby. For that matter, calling it a turkey is a bit of an assumption, too, though if it is wasn't, it was the fugliest goose I've ever seen.

- And then this morning, leaving the house, I saw a rabbit sitting out on the grass. Which was a bit of a letdown after the turkey, but still neat.

- This afternoon, I was faced with the choice of doing laundry, or taking a nap. The fact that I am writing this fairly mundane journal entry at 12:20 am should clue you into the fact that my wardrobe choices for Monday morning will be somewhat limited.

- Despite the nap, I did get a little bit done with my current short story. And I do mean a little bit, but I finally finished the current scene, and feel good about moving on to the next one.

- Watched Juno tonight for the first time. Cute movie, and of course enjoyed Diablo Cody's Minnesota namedrops. But... this was a Best Picture nominee? This was a Best Original Screenplay winner? Huh... okay.

- Work tomorrow. Urgh.

Dear Fellow Drivers,

You know those signs you see on the highway that say "Lane Ends 500 Feet"? Well, contrary to what you apparently believe, that is not an ad directing you to a clothing store, but in fact a warning that the highway will be narrowing a bit up the road, by a width of approximately your car width. When you see this sign, you'll want to merge left, preferably before that solid white line on your right cuts in front of you like some idiot motherfucker who isn't paying attention as he's driving.

Now, when you decide to merge left, there are three ways to go about it: you can speed up a little, and merge in front of the car beside you; you can slow down a little, and merge behind the car beside you; or you can say, "Another car? Beside me? The devil, you say! This I should see for myself, right after I change lanes..."

In case it's not obvious, the third option is the least acceptable. (Oh, who am I kidding; of course it's not obvious...)

When did the rule "pedestrians always have the right of way" get changed to "pedestrians can hurl themselves out in front of any moving vehicle at least six inches away and make the driver test just how good those brakes are"?

Is there anything more amusing than listening to Republicans whining about taxes? After voting for both Bush and Pawlenty twice, after nearly a decade of near-criminal fiscal mismanagement, they still have the balls to complain that they have to pay for the few bridge inspectors the state still has on the payroll.

What's even funnier, though, is that Minnesotans think they have one of the worst tax rates in the country. Coming from New York, I just have to laugh my fucking ass off every time I hear this. Granted, Minnesota does have a higher tax rate than most of its neighbors. Of course, the trade-off is that to get that lower rate, you have to actually live in South Dakota or Iowa.

Hey, I don't like paying taxes, either. But I do like having public libraries open Saturdays and Sundays. I do like that many of our 10,000 lakes are preserved and maintained for public enjoyment. I do like that the state unemployment office actually tries to help people get back into the workforce. And so I silently wince and grind my teeth, and I fulfill my civic duty.

It's that, or South Dakota.

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story: Funny, funny movie. Especially if you've already seen Walk the Line. And if you don't mind the occassional flaccid penis shot.

Welcome to the world Audrey Elizabeth, my sister Laura's second child, born today at 6:40 pm.

One more young mind for Uncle Bill to corrupt.

"Kathy Lee Gifford is returning to television. She will be hosting the Today Show. Here’s the scary thing: President Bush knew but failed to act."
-- David Letterman

Another bizarre musical performance found while wandering aimlessly around YouTube. My friends, I give to you... The Ukelele Orchestra of Great Britian, doing their rendition of "Shaft":

From Channel 6 Orlando, via Atrios:

A recent survey that found some Florida teens believe drinking a cap of bleach will prevent HIV and a shot of Mountain Dew will stop pregnancy has prompted lawmakers to push for an overhaul of sex education in the state.

The survey showed that Florida teens also believe that smoking marijuana will prevent a person from getting pregnant.

State lawmakers said the myths are spreading because of Florida's abstinence-only sex education, Local 6 reported.

Fortunately, state legislators are considering an overhaul of the sex ed curriculum, which is a good thing, because these idiots need to be stopped from breeding!! Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this state? Between daytonward's recent post about the kids trying to rob a police station, to affinity8's tales from the world of "higher" education, it really seems like we're watching Idiocracy come true right before our eyes...